Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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