My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
