He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
