I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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