Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
