We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
...so i touched it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
