I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
