Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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