I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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