i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
