SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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