My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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