So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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