White coat. Heels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
