I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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