I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
