sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
