I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
