Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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