You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
