hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
birth control should be required to get into college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How external is "for external use only"?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize