Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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