If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
