So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
