so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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