Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a search helicopter?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
