I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
