My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
