then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize