PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
