It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
