Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
