No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
