I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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