Apparently you make a good broom.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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