if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize