Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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