I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
