I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
