get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize