Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
