he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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