Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
