wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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