uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
