god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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