i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bring money and cleavage
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
