is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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