i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize