I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
