theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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