i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
