Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want to fling myself into the sun
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
