I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
