I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
