Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I could make wine with my vomit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
