I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
