should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I deserve this hangover.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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