GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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