she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
