Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
