She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
