i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
smell my finger.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
