The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
