who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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