Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
