Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
