One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
