I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
