Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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