wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize