Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
