apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize