I murdered the dance floor call the cops
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
