? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
