I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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