he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
