i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Houston, we have a squirter
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
