last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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