I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
