just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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