he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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