i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
