kristin has been a bad kristin
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
