we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
