I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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