speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
