This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize