Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
