Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
