Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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