So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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