Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
