is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
