mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
