The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
