last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
