So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
