i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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