The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize