It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
