Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
