Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
