She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
handjob tips. give me some.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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