some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
