i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
